Please Remain Calm

Last night while I was upset I sat on my bed and listened to music and painted. Green makes me feel alive.



I don't know, I still feel weird and lethargic and sad. It's not just because of yesterday being the shooting anniversary, I just don't feel like writing about anything else that's going on.

Another part of me feels like I'm rediscovering myself and getting in touch with things I almost started to let slip away.

Never let go of adventure!

I tremble.

Today marks the 3 year anniversary of the Capitol Hill shooting that took the lives of my friends.

I didn't cry until I wrote that sentence. Now I can't stop.
I've been trying to act like I wasn't bothered, I am even sitting at home instead of going to the memorial I used to volunteer to help run. But I guess it just wasn't registering. I actually haven't thought about for a while... and now it's hitting me just like it always does when I really sit and let myself feel.

If it wasn't for the fact that Sakura Con was that weekend I would probably be dead. Jesiah spent the entire night talking me into going to their house after the party, and I was super excited about it. I had to take Sun back to the hotel room we had for the convention and ended up passing out in the window sill before I could drive up the street to their house. When I woke up I had a full inbox and voicemailbox and countless missed calls, people trying to figure out if I was alive, and if I knew who wasn't.

I just don't see how some fucking guy from Montana with too many guns could find himself capable of shooting up a house full of wonderful kids who invited him to their party when they had just met him. Including a fucking 14 year old and 15 year old girl. I just don't fucking get it. I look at my little sister and try to imagine if she had been the one standing on someone's porch talking to her friend when some guy walks up and shoots them both, it makes me want to scream.

I don't know... writing about it is making me feel sick. I wish I had gone to the memorial.

I wish I could at least buy a stiff drink.

In Loving Memory...
Melissa, Suzanne, Justin, Chris, Jeremy and Jason.

♥

While you're cleaning up your mess the teacher's looking up your skirt.

I have been having a crazy month... a lot of fun mixed in with a lot of NOT fun. I am finally getting over my death plague... and finals are finally over. I have 6 months of school left, and it can not go by fast enough. The sooner I graduate the sooner I can make enough money to move out of this crazy house and into a cute place with Squidney.

I am too tired to even get started on my stress involving money, but it's bad. But at least I can get away from it and go explore some abandoned buildings with the pirate and curl up with Syd and watch our guilty pleasure. (Which happened to come out on DVD yesterday... *cough*)

Ew... and last night when I was leaving Keith's house to bus to a party for school, some guy who looked a lot like Snoop Dog fucking came up and grabbed my ass, causing me to half jump into the bushes and start yelling at him. And then when I finally got to the bus stop some 50 plus year old man named Chocolate D persisted in trying to get my phone number. What the hell?

Anyway...

Been messing around with gouache lately..


Bandit likes to watch me paint~


My friend Joel insisted on me making him a picture of a dinosaur killing robots... he was supposed to draw a schoolgirl brawl for me but I haven't seen anything yet T_T (watercolor)


I finally went to rainforest cafe! It was really cool XD haha. There was a thunderstorm... I felt like a total tourist or something... this is Joyce and Meescha, the two girls I spend all my time with while at school.


There were giant moving butterflies!


And big fat mushrooms of love.


Later that day I went on adventures with Nick! Including an art walk, free Jones Soda and scaling this water tower that secretly is holding some sort of mad science experiment gone wrong.


The inside... (that's where they keep the experiments)



The view from the top was really amazing.







Welll, finals are over. But the stress is not. I still have so much to do for Sakura Con, not to mention finding a job and applying for scholarships.... X_X Bah.

I had fun in the Mac Lab though.. best part of last quarter.
































Well to wonderfully end this update that I just did sitting here without any pants or underpants on, my brother just walked in!

How embarassing.

x___x;

breakfast of champions

Welll since Sydney and Suzye did a random old photo dump a while ago I figured I'd do it this way for fun... man I have so many crazy memories crammed into my 20 years of living. It weirds me out sometimes.

1. A picture of you in your room.


2. a picture with someone you don't actually like.


haha~jkjk..

3. a picture of you very drunk.


4. a picture on your birthday.


5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.



6. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits
cause I'm a class ho~~



7. a picture of you making a goofy face.




8. a picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.



9. a picture of a night you regret.



10. a picture of you truly being yourself.


11. the most recent picture of you.


12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.



13. a picture of you showing off your new hair cut/color.


14. a picture of a time in your life that's over & you wish wasn't.



15. a picture of a time in your life that's over & you couldn't be more thankful.


16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy.


17. a picture that you had no idea was being taken.



18. a picture of when you were a different person than you are now.



19. a picture of you with someone you love.
my big sister~


20. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you.
a hot nerd/hamtaro fucker!



22. a picture of a time when everything was changing.



23. a picture that makes your heart hurt.



24. a picture that makes your heart smile.


25. a picture that's one of the best nights of your life..